I'M NOT BUSY

There are going to be days where you're not going to get anything done. Today is one of those days. Yesterday was one of those days. The day before that was, yeah, one of those days. And here's why!



Determined to be abandoned in Nebraska, this child has recently started screaming at me for reasons unknown. Let's examine the facts.

1. Elliot screams when I open a PC game.
2. Elliot screams when I stop sitting next to him.
3. Elliot screams when I try to sleep (have sex with) his mother.
4. Elliot screams when I try to write.

I almost included a fifth point, but I'm not sure we know each other well enough for me to get away with a joke about child molestation. Maybe next time!

To be honest, he really only makes a scene late at night when I'm more interested in sleeping and less interested in remembering that I'm a parent. Fortunately, shoving bottles of disgusting formula into his face is usually enough to quell the fires burning inside him. This is no longer adequate. Today, he rolled out the second phase of his attack strategy.

Halfway through his afternoon feeding, he began wailing uncontrollably, announcing his plans to strike preemptively from this point forward, stripping me of my passive ability to steel myself against his bullshit.

Despite his repeated attempts at getting me to introduce him to that cruel mistress Abusive Head Trauma, I've remained steadfast and unwavering in my commitment to parenting by non-parenting.

While initially successful in catching me off-guard, his mission has since failed, and the levees have been rebuilt.

His fatal error was in not realizing that I have iTunes.